Already off track for your New Year’s Resolution? Find out how to do better

Found this statistics – almost all Americans make a new year’s resolution. The bad news is that half of them break their new year’s resolution by January 2 and more than 90% of those resolutions are forgotten by April 1.

So if you are having hard time keeping your resolution you are in the majority group. If you want it otherwise here is some food for thought.

Take a look at the bigger purpose you had for your New Year’s resolution or goal. Purpose is the soul of goals and goals are the means by which you express your purpose in the world. If your goal is to go to the gym 3- times a week, find the bigger purpose that lead you to this particular goal. Here is how you can do it:

Find some quite time and think through these questions. Write down the answers in a good place for you to revisit from time to time.

1.  What is that I want to achieve by getting to this goal? (Setting the Intention)
2.  When I achieve this (Intention) what will be different for me?
3. How will it be if I don’t achieve the desired Intention?
4. What are some possible ways to achieve this Intention? (Hint:There is always more than one solution!)
5. Which ones are closer to my natural ways? Pick one or two.
6. What would be a baby step to get started? Example: I will take a 15 min walk during lunch time tomorrow.
7. What do I need to sacrifice to implement the baby step? Example: (Have courage to) Say “no” to any work during the lunch time.
8. Evaluate: Did I take the baby step? What worked? What blocked? How I felt afterwards? What do I know about me now? What is my next baby step?

When setting the Intention (#1 above) keep in mind that motivation depends on 3 things: Autonomy, Mastery and Bigger sense of Purpose. You are more motivated when one or more of these elements are present and vice versa. If you have a bigger problem than getting physically fit, you may need to address that one first before making a futile attempt of going to the gym. Have the courage to be honest with yourself, and the resolution will naturally follow!

 

Read more:

Business on purpose: The soul-goal connection
Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us

Why does it bother Me?

Few years ago I volunteered as a treasurer in an organization. My motivation was to build some skill in accounting work and to get engaged with the leadership team. It was going well for the most part. The reason I say “most part” because from time to time one particular member was giving me unsolicited advice on how to do my job. At first I tried to ignore her, but eventually, it pushed me over the edge.  I needed to do something about it! Being relatively new to the team I decided to talk to someone I trusted.

Fortunately this trusted member was a coach. She agreed with me that the other member wasn’t particularly demonstrating a high standard. Then she asked, “Why does it bother you so much”?  I felt indignant, “What do you mean!  She is constantly advising me on how to do my job and you are telling me that it’s wrong to feel bothered!”  This was my immediate reaction.  I didn’t say it out loud though.  I brought that feeling and the question home.  I vented with a friend and got some empathy.  As my emotions calmed down, I started thinking about this question, “Why did it bother me so much?”

Someone did something, and it was my choice to bring it to close to my heart.  Question is why I brought it to my heart … unless I had provided a place for it. Being a treasurer I was stretching myself to prove my competence. May be I was implicitly seeking approval from others about my performance.  When I got advice instead, I immediately concluded, I was not doing a good job.  Since I was not considering myself to be good enough, I was highly sensitive to any external sign supporting that belief!

What a discovery!  It bothered because I actually had the critic inside me. Now I have something to work on. Thank you my friend for asking the hard question — “Why does it bother you?” Since then it has become an essential tool for me to dig out the root cause of my feelings whenever someone’s behavior affects me significantly.

There is always more than one solution!

We are having a record amount of snow fall here in Seattle. My little girl is having the fun of her lifetime, snowball fight, making snowman, sledding, you name it! Though I was little lazy initially, now I am enjoying it too. Even shoveling seems to be fun. This afternoon when I was trying to clean up the driveway my daughter wanted to do it too. With having only one shovel, taking turns seemed to be the only choice we had.

My daughter busy with shoveling

But I was getting little nervous as it would be hard to finish the work before evening. At first I thought I will just be the parent and ask her to play instead. Seeing her so engaged with the shoveling work made me pause and think. I decided to borrow another shovel from one of my neighbors, and thus made it a mother-daughter “shovel-the-driveway” fun activity!

It made me think, how hard was it to go for the other solution? Not much, when I had the focus on having a fun family time and not just on the task at hand. Thanks to the rare Seattle snow to make me remember this little thing – there is always more than one solution, getting too attached to only one may give us a less-than-optimal outcome!